If you have been married for any length of time, you understand that not everything always works out as smoothly as your undying love initially indicated. There are often bumps in the road to marital bliss, even in the best relationships. This is a normal growth and learning process and if handled with love and care actually further cements the marriage. But what if you just can't take it anymore. It's over, you've had enough. Let me outta here.
I was better off alone. Is your marriage really doomed? You had better spend a little time evaluating the reality of your situation. Often, if not nearly always, the whole problem is one of miscommunication.
I'm sure you've heard that before, however, I am talking about miscommunication with yourself. What? Yes Yourself. How have you communicated the reality to yourself.
You see initially, you saw everything through rose colored spectacles. You fell in love, and that's why you got married. Your partner could do nothing wrong everything was cute, precious, special, no matter how strange it might have seemed to other people. Now, when some of your expectations aren't being met, theses same spectacles have turned a dark shade of black. Everything is stupid, uncaring, silly, negligent etc. the same actions that were cute, are now stupid.
Again it is a matter of perception. What makes the issue worse, is that the same thing has happened to your mate. Where as before, all was rose colored from both sides, a condition which reinforced itself by the mutual agreement, this has now worked exactly the same way in the opposite direction, pushing you further apart.
Both are looking for the negatives in each other, both will find them. The positives have been discarded as average, the negatives raised to a higher, more important level. This can only lead to a break to stop the feelings of disappointment. If this is the case, so be it, but, and this is a huge but, what if your perception was not quite as accurate as you thought. What, heaven forbid, you might actually be mistaken.
I know this is an absurd notion to consider at this point, but just for the sake of argument, what if you just worked with that new perception for a while. Could, would this make a difference? I daresay yes. This is where counseling comes in. A skilled counselor, will try to establish a sense of reality back into the relationship and level the playing field.
Only when you can both see clearly again, should a decision for the future be made. If at all possible, a separation should be avoided. Here's why.
The costs of a divorce are huge. I am not merely talking monetary terms here either. The actual ramifications of divorce are a topic for another time though. For now, to be fair to everyone, especially yourself, you owe it to the relationship to get into a clear thinking state of mind, before making any potentially life altering decisions. Remember, there was a reason you got together.
Can this be resurrected, modified to adapt to changing conditions? Could the love be rekindled? Can the Marriage be saved. Try whatever you are able to not become another statistic.
Udo has a website dedicated to Relationship Secrets. Check it out for the latest on how to make your Relationship Sizzle.